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Parenting Tip of the Month
 Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.
Concept 5 Choice-Giving to Enforce Household Policies and Rules
Choice giving can be used to enforce household policies/rules. Begin by working on one at a time. In general, provide two choices: one is phrased positively (consequence for complying with policy), the other is stated negatively (consequence for not complying with policy). Consequence for noncompliance should be relevant and logical, rather than punitive, and must be enforceable.
Example: A household rule has been established that toys in the family room must be picked up off the floor before dinner (children cannot seem to remember without being told repeatedly and the parent is feeling frustrated with constant reminders and power struggles). "We are about to institute a new and significant policy within the confines of this domicile" (big words get children's attention!). "When you choose to pick up your toys before dinner, you choose to watch 30 minutes of television after dinner. When you choose not to pick up your toys before dinner, you choose not to watch television after dinner."
Note: Be sure to let children know when there are 10-15 minutes before dinner, so they can have time to pick up their toys.
Children may be able to comply the first time you announce this new policy, because you have just informed them. But it is important that you begin to allow your children to use their internal resources and self-control to remember the new policy without constant reminders (remember, the new policy was implemented because you were frustrated and tired of nagging!). So the second night, the parent says, "Billy and Sarah, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes, it is time to pick up your toys," and walks out. When it is time for dinner, the parent goes back into room to announce dinner:
1. The toys have not been picked up: say nothing at that moment. After dinner, go back into family room and announce to children, "Looks like you decided to not watch television tonight." Even if children get busy picking up the toys, they have already chosen not to watch TV for this night. "Oh, you're thinking that if you pick your toys up now that you can watch TV, but the policy is that toys have to be put away before dinner." After children plead for another chance, follow through on the consequence, calmly and emphatically stating: "I know that you wish you would have chosen to put your toys away before dinner, so you could choose to watch TV now - tomorrow night you can choose to put your toys away before dinner and choose to watch TV." Some children will choose not to watch TV for several nights in a row!
2. The children are busy picking up toys and have put most of them away: parent says (as she helps with the few remaining toys, which demonstrates spirit of cooperation and prevents delay of dinner), "It's time for dinner - looks like you've chosen to watch TV after dinner tonight."
Next month: Concept 6 Guidelines for Choice Giving in Relation to Limit Setting and Consequences
Excerpt from: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT)
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