Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.

Concept 3 ­­Choice-Giving to Avoid Potential Problem Behavior and Power Struggles
Choices can also be used to avoid a potential problem. Similar to last month's example, choices given are equally acceptable to parent and child. The difference is that choices are planned in advance by the parent to avoid problems that the child has a history of struggling with. In that example, if Sarah is not a morning person and has trouble getting dressed in the morning, provide a choice of what to wear the evening before (to avoid a struggle the next morning); after she has made the choice, take the dress out of the closet, ready for morning.

In selecting choices to prevent problems, it is very important that parents understand what the real problem is that their child is struggling with. If your child always comes home hungry and wants something sweet, but you want him to have a healthy snack, plan ahead by having on hand at least two choices of healthy snacks that your child likes. before he heads for the ice cream, say "Billy, I bought grapes and cherries for snack, which would you like?"

Or if you made your child's favorite cookies and it is acceptable for your 5-year-old to have 1 or 2 cookies for a snack, say "Billy, I made your favorite cookies today. Would you like 1 cookie or 2?"

Hint: This is another place where "structuring for success" can be applied by eliminating the majority of unacceptable snack items and stocking up on healthy snack items! Structuring your home environment to minimize conflict allows both you and your child to feel more "in control." Remember: Be a thermostat!

Next month: Concept 4 ­­ Advanced Choice Giving: Providing Choices as Consequences

Excerpt from: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT)


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