Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.
Concept 6 Guidelines for Choice Giving in Relation to Limit Setting and Consequences
- Enforce consequence without fail and without anger.
- Consequence is for "today" only - each day (or play session) should be a chance for a fresh start; a chance to have learned from the previous decision and resulting consequence; a chance to use internal resources to control self and make a different decision.
- Reflect child's choice with empathy, but remain firm. Consistency and follow-through are critical!
- Communicate choices in a matter-of-fact voice. Power struggles are likely to result if the child hears frustration or anger in the parent's voice and believes the parent is invested in one choice over another. The child must be free to choose the consequence for noncompliance.
Caution: Once your child has reached the stage of "out-of-control," your child may not be able to hear and process a choice. Take a step back and focus on your child's feelings, reflecting her feelings empathically, while limiting unacceptable behavior and holding her if necessary to prevent her from hurting herself or you.
Suggested reading for parents: "Teaching Your Child to Choose," Parenting, October, 2002.
Excerpt from: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT)
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