Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.

But He's Only Playing!!

by Linda Manning Ramirez, RN, LPC-S, RPT-S
(from the Rio Grande Valley Chapter Newsletter, Summer 1999)

Parents, School officials, and teachers are often baffled when the counselor takes the child who has been acting out in class; aggressive towards other children and adults; unable to sit in his seat and follow directions, to the play room for counseling.

"How can you just allow him to play?" "Aren't you just rewarding him and reinforcing his "bad" behavior in class?" Teachers and parents are sometimes confused by this process called Play Therapy or counseling with toys. Adults expect children to be "talked to" and "straightened out" by a counselor talking to the child in order to "fix" the child or gain "control" over him. If this is your attitude about what needs to be done or if you have ever felt confused as to the wisdom of letting a child "just play" this article is for you.

How is play useful? How and why does it help children who are having emotional and behavioral difficulties? The question is often asked how play therapy can help when "all he's doing is playing"? Play is a natural process for children. Children do not have to be taught how to play. It is a child's way of expressing what is important to him and what is affecting him. The child's point of view of the world, himself, and others is communicated through the play in ways that verbal speech cannot facilitate. "Talking" is only one way to express ideas and feelings. And "Talk Therapy" is an adult realm where children are at a disadvantage.

Play utilizes metaphor, fantasy, and imagination to express feelings and ideas that are at the root of the child's behavior. The child communicates through his play in many ways that speech cannot. Play will put a child at ease and cut through their resistance to reveal themselves. Revealing our inner selves to others is risky and frightening because we may fear judgement and rejection. Through play a child can reveal his inner thoughts, feelings, including doubts, conflicts, etc. in a less threatening, less anxiety-producing manner. Play also is a way for a child to "experience" and therefore "learn" a new behavior. Numerous books have been written on how play is important and facilitates growth.

A counselor skilled in play therapy techniques assists the child to change by providing a psychologically safe environment for the child to express and master those areas of conflict which are the source of the child's problematic behaviors. Play is a language in itself and is not used to get the child to "talk". Adults feel better when a problem is "talked out" - that is, discussed, thought out, solutions decided upon and action taken. Children feel better and behave better when they "play it out".

Adults are "cognitive and verbal". Children are "playful and nonverbal".


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