Special Time

Special Time is an occasion for you to enjoy being with your child by paying attention to her natural, positive behavior during play. This isn't a time to correct, teach or improve your child; it is a time to enjoy him as he is today by noticing the special details of his behavior. Special Time is an activity that was designed to enable parents and children to have this type of positive experience together. Here is how this activity is done:

1. Set aside 15-20 minutes every day or two during which you are free from other responsibilities and you can focus on your child. This is not a time for taking care of other children, cooking, and so forth; this is a time simply to be with your child.

2. Introduce the activity by saying something like, "Now it's our special time to play together; what would you like to do?" Let your child choose what the two of you will do, as long as the choice is appropriate. Watching television does not work for Special Time because it is not active. Almost all play activities work fine.

3. Sit down, relax, and watch how your child plays, noticing the little ins and outs of her games, physical activities, and imaginative play. Then, describe what she is doing, moment to moment, so that she knows you see and appreciate what she is doing. This type of description is like what a sportscaster does during a football or basketball game, namely, describing the action as it unfolds. Use an interested, lively tone of voice.

4. It is important to remember what not to do, as well as what to do. Do not give any directions, guidance, advice or instruction. It is okay to ask your child questions to clarify what he is doing, but do not quiz him about his play.

5. From time to time, express some appreciation or praise for what your child is doing. Let her know that you enjoy the pleasant time you are spending together (e.g., "I like it when we play together like this"). Also, express approval of his activities (e.g., "What a big tower of blocks you built!", "Good job putting those pieces together," and "That was quite a story you told with those puppets"). It's also nice to intersperse occasional hugs and pats on the back during Special Time.

6. If your child begins to misbehave, ignore the misbehavior; turn away and stop attending to the child for a few moments. If the misbehavior continues, tell the child that Special Time is over because it cannot continue unless she behaves nicely.

Special Time might not seem like much at first, but it's actually quite a lot. This activity has a quiet but strong form of value because it helps parents and children increase their appreciation and enjoyment of each other.

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