Tips for Cooperative Children!

The first step in getting children to be cooperative and obedient is stating your wishes for them in an effective fashion. Often, when children are disobedient, one reason is that their caregivers state commands in ineffective ways such as giving directives without being serious about enforcement, phrasing commands as questions, giving directives that are vague or overly complex, and failing to get the child's attention before giving the directive. Giving effective directions involves the following steps:

1. Make sure the command is necessary. Rather than trying to micromanage your child's behavior with numerous, unimportant commands (e.g., "stand up straight," "smile when you say hello to your uncle"), choose your battles wisely by only giving directives that are very important to you and that you are willing to back up with consequences.
   
   
2. Begin by getting the child's attention. Eliminate distractions by shutting off the TV and having the child stop her ongoing activity. Then, have the child turn toward you, make eye contact, and only then state the directive.
   
   
3. Use a tone of voice that is cheerful, warm, no-nonsense, and firm.
   
   
4. Compose a command that is specific and that tells the child exactly what you want her to do. For example, rather than saying, "Be good while I make dinner," say "Please draw me a picture while I make dinner."
   
   
5. Compose a command that is simple enough for your child to understand easily. Directives with 3 or more steps are too difficult for most young children, and even 2 steps might be too many. Complicated directives should be broken down into a series of one-step commands, with some praise or a thank you following performance of each step.
   
   
6. State the directive as a command, not a request or a question. (Don't say, e.g., "Would you put your toys away now?"). This does not mean being impolite; it is nice to say "please," and, when the child does what he is told, it is nice to say "thank you."
   
   
7. If you are not sure the child understands what she is to do, have her repeat the directive back to you before beginning to do it.