Never do for a child that which he can do for himself.

When you do, you rob your child of the joy of discovery and the opportunity to feel competent. You will never know what your child is capable of unless you allow him to try!

Parents struggle with this one. First of all, it is sometimes hard to sit back and watch your child struggle. Secondly, sometimes it’s just plain easier to do it yourself instead of wait while he tries to figure it out! But if you allow your child to experience what it feels like to discover, figure out and problem-solve, you will be showing faith in him. Having faith that your child is competent and capable is a step toward helping him develop a positive view of himself.

A family in my neighborhood once brought in two cocoons that were just about to hatch. They watched as the first one began to open and the butterfly inside squeezed very slowly and painfully through a tiny hole that it chewed in one end of the cocoon. After lying exhausted for about 10 minutes following its agonizing emergence, the butterfly finally flew out the open window on its beautiful wings.

The family decided to help the second butterfly so that it would not have to go though such an excruciating ordeal. So, as it began to emerge, they carefully sliced open the cocoon with a razor blade, doing the equivalent of a Caesarean section. The second butterfly never did sprout wings, and in about 10 minutes, instead of flying away, it quietly died.

The family asked a biologist friend to explain what had happened. The scientist said that the difficult struggle to emerge from the small hole actually pushes the liquids form deep inside the butterfly’s body cavity into the tiny capillaries in the wings, where they harden to complete the healthy and beautiful adult butterfly.

(Adapted from Child Parent Relationship Therapy Treatment Manuel by Bratton, Landreth, Kellam, and Blackard, 2006.)


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