Big Change...how do I get there?? Small steps?? Are you kidding me??

by Christy Billings, MS,  LPC

As we say goodbye to 2010, and ring in the new year of 2011 how many of us have reflected on our lives and thought about changes we would like to make, maybe in relationships, finances, career  and/or our health?  Did you set resolutions on January 1st and now we are halfway through the month and old patterns have set in?  The hope for change is covered with frustration and an attitude of "why bother."  Well, you are not alone if this is where you are at. Some studies show as high as 78% of folks who set New Year's resolutions fail. What about the 22% who are successful?  How did they do it? Are they just better people than you and I; harder workers; more motivated? They most certainly don't have the same obstacles in front of them...right? 

So what does it take to bring about real change? One of the most common mistakes we make when desiring to change a vice or bad habit in our lives is we decide..."big problems need big solutions." We jump off and decide we need to take drastic measure to make the change, so we attempt to eliminate all sweets, or begin an exercise program 6 days a week or stop eating out to save money, etc. Too often failure comes quickly because we can't stay committed to such an extreme change in our lives. Let me propose a different method........ The 2 Degree Difference. This isn't my coined idea; I am referencing materials cited by Christian author, John Trent PhD, from his book by the same name. In his book Dr. Trent talks about 5 different approaches to making small changes in our lives that over time bring about big results. Let me briefly highlight 2 of them, I encourage you to get a copy of his book to gain insight of his full concept. In addition to these concepts I want to add some Biblical support for this whole idea of change and improvement with particular focus on how to see this happen in our interpersonal relationships.

Consider the concept of driving for a moment. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Ever think about what driving entails? Think about the steering wheel for a moment, both hands on the wheel. Most driving requires that you make small, gradual movements with the wheel with the intent of staying in the lines of the lane you are in. Steering the wheel correctly for this task requires very small adjustments. If large, quick movements are made then you end up out of the lines, and possibly in someone else's lane, or in the ditch.

How does this translate to bringing about change in our lives or improvement? For this article, I am going to use the example of strengthening/improving a relationship as the goal. This concept can be used in any relationship: husband-wife, parent-child, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor or even boss to employee. Let's focus on the area of communication in the relationship, let's assume the current situation is distant, strained from past hurts with minimal interactions. Using the "steering wheel" analogy, what small, gradual movements could possibly be taken to improve this scenario?

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