I don’t know why I was shocked one day last summer when the temperature topped out at 107 degrees. After all of these years of living in Texas, you would think that I would be used to the heat. Well, I’m not. So, most summers, my family and I try to take off for Colorado for a few weeks to cool down and enjoy the beauty of the mountains. One of our family’s favorite traditions is to visit Fish Creek Falls. Fish Creek Falls is a 283 foot waterfall fed by the melting snow that has accumulated all winter long. It is a truly magnificent sight.

The best part about Fish Creek Falls is that you can climb on the river rocks right up to the waterfall in what we affectionately call the "Boulder Climb." We climb from one giant river boulder to another in the attempt to reach the cool mist of the waterfall. In my family, I am the most conservative climber by far. My 9 year old son, on the other hand, is the gutsiest. He does not understand what I understand about what would happen if he were to fall into the roaring river below. It is just fun and games to him.

So every year, I have to remind my son that he needs to "have a plan" for his climb. We even joke about this from year to year because it NEVER changes that he does NOT have a plan. So this year when I reminded him to "have a plan" he responded by saying that his plan was to NOT have a plan.

That reminded me of myself and my relationship with God. Sometimes I don’t want to have a plan. I want to just jump from rock to rock. I want to do things my way. I want to enjoy. I want to be happy. I want to believe that my plan is the best plan. I think that if I just go along, minding my own business and not bothering anyone else, that God will accommodate me. If I love and serve God, bad things won’t happen to me. But sometimes life doesn’t go the way I want it too.

In Romans, Paul tells us that "For those loving him, God works together all things for good." I really want that to mean that because I love God, He’ll work everything out for me. I want my 9 year old son’s theology...don’t worry, be happy. I guess I want to do things my way and have God go along with that.

Well, I don’t think that is the way Paul meant it when he wrote those words. Paul was saying that while ANYTHING could happen to me, the stuff that IS going well is because of God, but the stuff that is NOT going my way is still for His good effect in my life anyway.

Then what do I do with all of the bad feelings that I have when things don’t turn out the way I wanted them to? What if I think that an event doesn’t seem like it is having a "good effect" in my life? What about the event that is not welcome into my life? What do I do when I was just hopping from rock to rock and then suddenly I’m plunged into freezing river water?

I guess that is when I need some help. When I am disappointed that things did not work out the way I wished they would have, when I am disappointed with God, I must return to what I know is true of God and His plan. In my own life, and in my counseling practice, I often encounter these disappointments. It is in these times of discontent that we realize that our plans maybe weren’t the greatest after all. As I look back at times when things didn’t go as I had planned, I see that God still used the events of my life. He even made them more beautiful than I had imagined. That faith that He has a plan for me drives me back to the waterfall year after year.

Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.

Concept 1 ­­Choice Giving 101: Teaching Self-Control Responsibility and Decision Making
Providing children with age-appropriate choices empowers children by allowing them a measure of control over their circumstances. Children who feel more empowered and "in control" are more capable of regulating their own behavior, a prerequisite for self-control. Choices require that children tap into their inner resources, rather than relying on parents (external resource) to stop their behavior or solve the problem for them. If parents always intervene, children learn that "Mom or Dad will stop me if I get out of hand" or "Mom or Dad will figure out a solution if I get in a jam"
     Presenting children with choices provides opportunities for decision making and problem solving. Through practice with choice making, children learn to accept responsibility for their choices and actions and learn that they are competent and capable. Choice giving facilitates the development of the child’s conscience; as children are allowed to learn from their mistakes, they learn to weigh decisions based on possible consequences.
     Providing children with choices reduces power struggles between parent and child—and importantly, preserves the child-parent relationship. Both parent and child are empowered; the parent is responsible for, or in control of, providing parameters for choices, and the child is responsible for, or in control of, his decision (within parent-determined parameters).

Next month: Concept 2 ­­ Choice Giving Strategies

Excerpt from: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT)




Check here every month for great ideas, tips and advice on the topic of Marriage. This month we are highlighting the upcoming Weekend to Remember conference.

Weekend to Remember is a weekend marriage conference that teaches God's design for marriage and family. The environment is fun, non-threatening, and sometimes hilarious. And it's a wonderful time for couples to refresh good marriages or heal troubled ones. There are over 150 conferences in cities all across the U.S. each year. Registration is open to individuals, couples, or groups. Whether you're engaged, newlywed, or remarried, enrich your marriage and begin a godly legacy for your family by attending a conference in a city near you. Or plan a memorable getaway to a destination of your choosing.

The conference is February 13-15, 2009 at the Gaylord Texan Resort. For more information, go to the Family Life website. Or you can register here.





Chuck Roberts
Managing Director and Staff Counselor
chuckroberts@cbcmckinney.com

Favorite verse: John 1:16 And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

Movies/TV Shows: Chariots of Fire; Glory; Paradise Road TV Shows: The Biggest Loser; some football and basketball, but these days I watch a lot of Diego, Dora the Explorer, Handy Manny, and The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Music: Bluegrass, traditional Country, Classical; Favorite artists are: Ricky Skaggs, Alison Krauss and Union Station, and Fernando Ortega

Books (besides the Bible): very difficult to narrow down, but a few that have meant a lot to me are: Finding God (Larry Crabb); The Prayer: Deepening Your Friendship with God (James M. Houston); Contemplation (Dr. David Allen); How Children Raise Parents (Dan Allender); Leap Over a Wall (Eugene Peterson); and Gilead (Marilynne Robinson)

Hobbies: reading, woodworking; writing (you can visit my blog at: http://chuckroberts.blogspot.com/

Dream Getaway: Maine harbor cruise; Alaskan cruise (inside passage)

Most Adventuresome Thing Ever Done: (otherwise known as "the category that shows I've lived a boring life"): climbed over a fence (the gate was locked) and to the top of a 90 meter ski jump (in May, no snow) to see what it looked like from up there

3 People at Fantasy Dinner: (besides Jesus); Bill Snyder (there had to be one K-State connection); James M. Houston (Regent Univ.-Vancouver); Eugene Peterson

Education: 2 years at Kansas State University (majored in Journalism); BA from Moody Bible Insitute (majored in Pastoral Studies with Greek minor); MA in Counseling from Colorado Christian University

Experience: Asst. Pastor/Director of Christian Education; insurance salesman; managed a Leslie's Pool Supplies store; line provisioner, then call center repair tech for phone company; many other assorted jobs along the way

You can read more about Chuck on his staff page on our website.

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