If we've lived life long enough, one of the paradoxes we all encounter is both the deep desire to connect with each other in relationship and the difficulties we have in doing so. Let me give you an example.

I met with three men this morning, guys that I have breakfast with twice a month. We're friends together, all committed to sharing our lives and, spurring each other on in our walk with Jesus. In this culture of Promise Keepers, Everyman's Battle, and the abundance of men's seminars and accountability groups it's the thing that we know we should do. But even more than that, it's something that I really want to do.

My friends and I have met together now for several years, but this particular morning, as we sat talking in the mostly empty restaurant I began to notice something happening. It seemed like we lacked some sort of traction to connect with each other. The way our conversation flowed reminded me of trying to get close to the sandpipers that gather in the ravine across the street from my house. We would walk up to a topic and the conversation would start to skitter along, gathering speed till suddenly, it would take flight with a flurry of energy and passion over this news story or that sports team or some family event that had recently occurred. The dialogue would circle around for several minutes only to land again in the dry field of disconnection.

Don't get me wrong. I care deeply for these men and God has grown in me a love for each one. But as we talked, I began to feel this thing happen in me and I suspect a similar thing might have been going on for them too. We were not being honest with each other about where we were. We were talking about stuff, but not the things that were going on in our own hearts.

I went home after meeting with my friends and started mowing the lawn. Pushing a mower is "think time" for me, and I found myself mulling over the vague feeling of discontent that I had about my time with my friends, when unexpectedly, I remembered the unfinished conflict I had with my wife just the night before. Instantly I felt the frustration, loneliness and fear that had been there as my wife and I had interacted. The encounter I had with my wife was definitely an unresolved conversation that had left me with a whole bag full of feelings.

What had happened? Where did those feelings, that interaction go as I was sitting with my friends? I can't say for sure if it would've made a difference had I brought up the previous nights conflict. But knowing my friends, I suspect it would have. I do know this...I would have been more connected to the things that were going on in my heart. And my friends would have known more about me in ways that feel very risky.

Here's the thing. As I reflected on what happened I realized a couple of things about relationships and about myself. I realized how, just like my heavenly Father I long for connection, for close relationships, but I also saw how much I avoid them. I became aware of a deep desire to show up more with my friends...to be a true friend, willing to take risks. And I saw clearly how sometimes, like my forefather Adam in the face of God's penetrating presence, I run to hide in the bushes. I want to hide the sin in my life. I want to hang onto it-even though I don't.

So, just as the writer to Hebrews exhorts us, I do want to be involved in the process of spurring each other on to love and good deeds. But sometimes I'd rather be flighty, like a sandpiper, rather than risk showing up.

Rule of Thumb: Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.

Concept 2 ­­Choice Giving Strategies:
Provide age-appropriate choices that are equally acceptable to the child and to you. Remember that you must be willing to live with the choice the child makes. In this instance of choice giving, do not use choices to try to manipulate the child to do what you want by presenting one choice that you want the child to choose and a second choice that you know the child won't like.

Provide little choices to little kids; big choices to big kids.

Example: Toddlers can only handle choosing between two shirts or two food items. Examples for 3-year-olds: "Sarah, do you want to wear your red dress or your pink dress to school?" "Sarah, do you want an apple or an orange with your lunch?"

Next month: Concept 3 ­­ Choice-Giving to Avoid Potential Problem Behavior and Power Struggles

Excerpt from: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT)

Coping with fear in the face of uncertainty

Watching and listening to the news today has become an increasingly frightening experience as what seems like the entire global community faces economic uncertainty. In President Obama's recent speech regarding the housing markets and foreclosures, the word "crisis" was used more than 30 times! It would seem only natural that most of us would feel an increased amount of stress and anxiety. It is also natural that our insecurities come to the surface at this time. Perhaps we end up snapping at our spouse, having little patience with our co-workers (if we still have co-workers!) or find it difficult to just sit down and play with our kids. Instead, we're consumed with how we will "batten down the hatches" and navigate through challenging financial waters.

In his book, Understanding Who You Are: What Your Relationships Tell You About Yourself, Dr. Larry Crabb points out that, especially in times of trouble, we face a choice. We can cope by going into survival mode, putting ourselves first, devoting, "all our energies to overcoming our difficulties so that we can enjoy life again;" or we can focus our efforts on, "trusting God in the midst of our problems so that we can better reflect His glory and serve His purpose."

The Bible reminds us, "For this reason I say to you, do not be anxious for your life, as to what you should eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, as to what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?" (Matthew 6:25-27)

Bearing this in mind can help us combat stress and grow in our relationship with God. We were made for that relationship and, as we consciously choose to switch from survival mode to trust mode, God is glorified and our fear is supplanted by peace.

Rough times can create incredible opportunities. We can choose to hide under the bed, recklessly take advantage of all the cool sales out there, bite our spouse's head off, build an underground shelter in our backyard, or take this time to get in touch with the God of the Universe. How we choose to react during these times says a lot about who we are and what we really believe.

Other encouraging scriptures for difficult times:
"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41: 10)

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:33-34)

by Ruth Josenhans

If you're experiencing overwhelming stress or anxiety it may be helpful to talk with a counselor. Please call 214.585.4859 to schedule your appointment today, or click here for free tips on how to manage your stress.




Check here every month for great ideas, tips and advice on the topic of Marriage.

If the Bible is true, it would appear that marriage has less to do with our happiness and more to do with our holiness. God is committed to redeeming us. He is committed to conforming us to the image of His Son. We make happiness our primary focus. God wants us to experience Joy.





Teri Mills-Manuel
Staff Counselor
tmillsmanuel@cbcmckinney.com

Favorite verse: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Movies/TV Shows: The Lord of the Rings, Raiders of the Lost Ark

Music: anything 80's!

Books: I love to read, so I'm having a hard time narrowing it down. So here's what is on my bedside table right now...The Reason for God (Keller), The Book Thief (Zusak), Same Kind of Different as Me (Hall and Moore), The Message

Hobbies: skiing, scuba diving, reading

Dream Getaway: a beach, anywhere (hopefully Caribbean)

Most Adventuresome Thing Ever Done: climbed a 14K mountain in Colorado

3 People at Fantasy Dinner: Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Leonardo DaVinci

Education and Experience: First I got my Business Degree and worked as the Membership Director for a private club in Beaver Creek, CO. Then I went back to grad school to get my Teaching Credential and taught Language Arts and Social Studies in Middle School. Next, I took a break to be a stay-at-home mom. Finally, I went back to school (again!) to get my Master's in Counseling. I love to learn!

You can read more about Teri on her staff page on our website.

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