As a boy I loved summer. I guess you could say I longed for summer. I loved the Texas summers especially - the long days, the lake times, the bare feet, the empty schedule. Like any other boy I had my chores, the things I needed to do, but I loved it. It was a nice time, it was carefree. It seemed that way, and granted those days weren't as carefree as I remember. And even if they were I couldn't enjoy now the things that I enjoyed so much as a boy in the same way. Four days without bathing or three day old underwear is no longer the badge of honor that it once was for me. It just doesn't give the same level of satisfaction.

As summer would come to an end I would really dread the approaching fall, the approaching school year, all the obligations, all the things that were about to change. My parents didn't seem to have the same level of concern or grief about the approaching fall that I did. I just couldn't understand why it is that they wouldn't relish the idea of enjoying me on through the fall and even into Christmas. Their perspective was far different than mine. They seemed to think at that time that the life I was enjoying was easier in some ways than theirs was growing up. The responsibilities that I had were not the same that they had.

At times I fall prey to what I believe is really a potentially toxic lie. And that is that my children somehow enjoy a much easier life than I enjoyed. In a day of GameCube and Nintendo and computers, today it seems far easier for children to escape into a world without obligations - with quick gratification, with easy entertainment. I'm careful not to think of it in this way. In fact I really have grown to believe that these are terrible disadvantages, terrible hardships even in today's world. For example, it's no longer a question in this day and age whether or not children will be exposed to things that are sexually explicit. It's a matter of when, not if, anymore. The academic, social, and athletic pressures are far greater in this day and age than when I was in high school, when I was in junior high school. The demands are greater. The homework is more challenging and longer. As parents we do have pressures these days that are unique. We are also tempted to believe at times that our kids' lives are easy because often when we see them, they are watching television or playing video games, or they're doing their homework on computers or looking up definitions with a level of ease that we couldn't. But I think the pressures of this day and age are far greater than the pressures that we experienced as children.

So what do we do with all of this? As a dad I really have to be aware of what my boys and what my daughter experience each day. Maybe you were fortunate enough to have been spared exposure as a child to sexually explicit images or material. But if you were exposed I'm sure it was shocking and troubling. You were too young to understand and make sense of something that was intended for you to enjoy with your spouse. Yet all of these things our children are now inundated with and spoon-fed everyday. Not to mention the academic pressures, the athletic pressures. We need as parents not to be swept along with all of these pressures that the world throws at our children. We need to be a voice of calm in the midst of this storm. Sit down with your daughter; sit down with your son. Ask them what their day was like. Ask them if anybody said anything to them that hurt their feelings, or if there was anything that they were exposed to that made them uncomfortable. If you find out that this is true, if your children confide in you, resist the temptation just to offer advice. Be sad with them, let them know that you're sorry that some of the things that they've experienced were experienced far earlier than they should be. Let them know that you'll be alongside them, to cry with them, perhaps to make sense of things. Trust God in a way that communicates to your children that they needn't be afraid of these things. Trust God in a way that tells them there is a calm in the midst of the storm.

Disagreement with your spouse. Frustration with your kids. Depressed about work. Sometimes the abundant life doesn't feel that abundant. So when we feel like this, what are we supposed to do with those feelings? Push them away and try to move on? Express them freely, just get them out there? This class will take a look at how we're wired emotionally, and show how a good understanding of our emotions can lead to better relationships . . . and ultimately to a deeper relationship with the One who matters most.

Join Chuck on Wednesday nights at 6:30 pm at First Baptist Church in Melissa, TX starting on Wednesday, August 19, 2009. The church is located at 2600 State Highway 121. For more information, you can email Chuck at chuckroberts@cbcmckinney.com. It's FREE and no reservations are required. We'd love to see you there!

Never do for a child that which he can do for himself.

When you do, you rob your child of the joy of discovery and the opportunity to feel competent. You will never know what your child is capable of unless you allow him to try!

Parents struggle with this one. First of all, it is sometimes hard to sit back and watch your child struggle. Secondly, sometimes it’s just plain easier to do it yourself instead of wait while he tries to figure it out! But if you allow your child to experience what it feels like to discover, figure out and problem-solve, you will be showing faith in him. Having faith that your child is competent and capable is a step toward helping him develop a positive view of himself.

A family in my neighborhood once brought in two cocoons that were just about to hatch. They watched as the first one began to open and the butterfly inside squeezed very slowly and painfully through a tiny hole that it chewed in one end of the cocoon. After lying exhausted for about 10 minutes following its agonizing emergence, the butterfly finally flew out the open window on its beautiful wings.

The family decided to help the second butterfly so that it would not have to go though such an excruciating ordeal. So, as it began to emerge, they carefully sliced open the cocoon with a razor blade, doing the equivalent of a Caesarean section. The second butterfly never did sprout wings, and in about 10 minutes, instead of flying away, it quietly died.

The family asked a biologist friend to explain what had happened. The scientist said that the difficult struggle to emerge from the small hole actually pushes the liquids form deep inside the butterfly’s body cavity into the tiny capillaries in the wings, where they harden to complete the healthy and beautiful adult butterfly.

(Adapted from Child Parent Relationship Therapy Treatment Manuel by Bratton, Landreth, Kellam, and Blackard, 2006.)


The top predictors of women's marital happiness, in order of importance:
(Over the next several months we will highlight one of the seven top predictors)

Shared religious attendance.
Wives who attend church or some other worship service with their husbands tend to be happier than wives who do not share religious attendance with their husbands. Religious attendance may give wives a sense that God is present in their marriage, a sense that their husband seeks to please them by attending church with them, and/or access to other married couples who value marriage and can provide them with guidance and moral support for their marriages.




John Woodruff
Counselor
johnwoodruff@cbcmckinney.com

Favorite verse: Genesis 32:22-32

Movies/TV Shows: Shawshank Redemption, Fight Club, The Amazing Race, and The Office

Music: Rosie Thomas, Dave Matthews, Josh Ritter - pretty much any singer/songwriter and anything that makes me dance

Books: To Be Told by Dan Allender, Running by Jack Daniels, Kite Runner

Hobbies: Running, Cycling, Laughing, anything outside

Dream Getaway: Tour de France with my best friends, and/or a beach resort

Most Adventuresome Thing Ever Done: Moved to Seattle for graduate school

3 People at Fantasy Dinner: Jacob, Dave Matthews, and Steve Prefontaine

Education: Masters of Counseling, Mars Hill Graduate School at Western Seminary Seattle; Bachelors of Science in Kinesiology - Outdoor Education, Texas A&M University.

Experience: Counselor Eastside Academy, Bellevue, WA; Therapeutic Treatment Aide Seattle Mental Health, Seattle, WA; Forensic Interviewer/Child Advocate Childrens' Advocacy Center of Benton Co. Rogers, AR; Counselor University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, AR; Counselor Private Practice, Fayetteville, AR and McKinney, TX

You can read more about John on his staff page on our website.

If you are reading this as a forward from a friend - join our mailing list so you can get it directly in your inbox next month!

And if you have a few moments, we'd love it if you filled out our Newsletter Survey!