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by Chuck Roberts, M.A., LPC
We are adding group therapy to our list of offerings and we thought it would be helpful to briefly describe the benefits of this therapy. As stated in our intake forms, we "believe you are made to deeply relate… this is the source of your greatest joy, but also of your deepest pain . . . Interpersonal relationships are the area in which the results of the fall of humankind are most prevalent, and in which the need for redemptive change is most obvious." Although one's ability to relate well is often significantly helped through individual therapy, group counseling offers members a chance to be involved in a redemptive community where relational struggles can be addressed in the moment. New relational skills can be learned and one can be strengthened to risk for the sake of others in the group. These new skills are then taken into relationships outside the group, which often results in transformation of the group member's relationships.
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by Keith Harrell, MABC, LPC
I'm forever indebted to "Cliff Notes" for my B- in English Literature. You remember "Cliff Notes", don't you? Those precious yellow booklets that reduced all the great literary works into bullet points. They lined the rotating display stand in the local drug store.
I can actually remember feeling sorry for all the chumps in my class who wasted their adolescence reading "Great Expectations" cover to cover. Maybe they just never went to drug stores.
In those days, I looked to the "Apostles' Creed" for my "Cliff Notes" summary of Christianity. I was glad that somebody had taken the time to weed through the Bible and sum it up for me so that I didn't have to read it.
I thought once more of my "Cliff Notes" days on this past Easter Sunday. I took my family to the sunrise service at our church and as morning dawned, we looked at one another and declared "He is Risen". Three short words…capturing the loveliest moment that will ever be. read more... |
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| Book Review by Chuck Roberts, MA, LPC |
Thin Places: a memoir by Mary DeMuth
How can a book be both gut-wrenching and beautiful? In Thin Places: a memoir, author Mary DeMuth pulls it off. This is the moving account of Mary's life growing up as a child of a broken home, sexually abused at an early age, and struggling to feel like she mattered. It's the story of how a teenage girl, struggling with thoughts of suicide, finds Jesus, and how He redeems her story.
 Mary's book is not easy to read; it's gut-wrenching, as I said. Oh, she is an incredibly gifted writer and she holds the readers' attention with ease as she skillfully intertwines stories of her early life with later events. It's just that some of it makes you want to scream and throw the book across the room and curse this fallen world where Satan steals so much. Like the 14 year-old junior high student who whispers in Mary's ear before her wedding, "Don't worry, it hurts at first but it gets better."
What makes it beautiful is the courage Mary displays by opening up her life for all to see, all the painful, awful things that happened to her, the ways it still affects her now, and how she's found, and is finding, freedom. Through her life you see that, while Satan steals so much, he can never destroy. God takes what is meant for evil (such as the con artist who steals the DeMuth's house) and uses it for good in our lives.
It's beautiful in the way Mary is willing to put her struggles out there for us without (apparently) feeling the need to tie up all the loose ends. One of my former counseling professors once commented on the way Christians typically (and safely) confess things in the past tense- "I used to struggle with ___ but God gave me the victory." Mary turns the tables and confesses some present tense things. By doing this I think she demonstrates the truth that we struggle not only with the damage done to us by sinners but the damage we do to ourselves and others as sinners. However we've been hurt by sin Mary shows how God provides the healing and forgiveness and love we need and long for.
Frederick Buechner in Speak What We Feel: not what we ought to say, says, "it is Red Smith who is reported to have said that it's really very easy to be a writer, all you have to do is sit down at the typewriter and open a vein . . . vein-opening writers are putting not just themselves into their books, but themselves at their nakedest and most vulnerable . . . and many good writers never do it at all." Mary did it, opened a vein and bled on the page, and in doing so, wonderfully points to Another who spilled his blood to redeem us, our stories. Buechner goes on to say "since I have long since come to believe that all of our stories are at their deepest level the same story, it is my hope that in listening to these . . . say so powerfully not what they thought they ought to say, but what they truly felt, we may possibly learn something about how to bear the weight of our own sadness." Mary's story will make you think about your own story, your own sadness, and the ways Jesus shows up in it.
"Thin places," Mary writes, "are snatches of time, moments really, when we sense God intersecting our world in tangible, unmistakable ways. They are aha moments, beautiful realizations, when the Son of God bursts through the hazy fog of our monotony and shines on us afresh." And oh how He bursts through in Mary DeMuth's book, showing up as He truly is, the Star of all our stories.
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Parent Tip - What to Expect in Middle Childhood Years:
Respecting Self & Others |
What to Expect
Child:
- Feels good about himself and his abilities
- Is able to get over or "bounce back" from disappointments
- Learns from mistakes or failures, tries again
- Respects the rights and feelings of others, has a sense of fairness
- Has growing ability to understand another person's viewpoint
- Solves conflicts or problems by talking, not fighting
Parents:
- Talk and listen to child with respect
- Are good role models (show understanding, kindness, patience)
- Teach child to accept and respect people's differences (ethnic, cultural, religious)
- Handle anger constructively
- Help child overcome fears and cope with stress
- Share own feelings and stories about facing fears and problems
- Respect child's growing need for privacy
- Limit exposure to media violence
When to Seek Help
If your child:
- Feels that he lacks basic skills or abilities
- Often says negative things about self or others
- Has problems dealing with angry feelings
- Is preoccupied with violent movies, TV, computer games
- Is aggressive or tries to bully others
Or if you, as parents:
- Worry about how your child views himself
- Often find yourself criticizing and blaming your child
- Notice that your child seems preoccupied with violence
- Have concerns about your child's exposure to abuse (physical, verbal, sexual)
- Lack confidence or have doubts about your own abilities
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| Interview with Mary DeMuth |
Mary DeMuth is the author of Thin Places: a memoir.
CBC: Obviously, one of the ways you work through personal issues is through writing. We recommend journaling to many of our clients. Is there something in particular you use in your writing to "prime the pump," so to speak?
Mary: Try starting with the senses. Recall a memory and then complete "I see ..." Or "I taste..." Or "I feel..." Or "I smell..." Give yourself permission to write down everything. Do not censor. Don't let someone in your head bully you.
CBC: A common fear that is expressed by clients to whom journaling is suggested is, "I could never do that. What if someone finds it?" I understand that fear, and I think journals should be respected by friends and family members as private. You courageously put yourself out there in plain view for us. Did you go through the "what if someone finds it" stage, and if so, how did you move from that stage to a published memoir?
Mary: Yes, I had that fear. I still fear what certain people will think if they read it. But I felt the risk of sharing and getting shamed was worth the freedom others would experience after reading it. Their potential freedom trumped my fear.
CBC: Your book really confronts the question, "How does a good God allow suffering." What would you say to someone who is struggling to see God in the midst of their story, struggling with how a loving God could allow terrible things to happen to them?
Mary: That is an important and difficult question. I can only say this: most folks are so scared of the process of healing that they fail to risk. You need to push through the dark questions until you begin to see Jesus in the pain alongside you. It took some time before I started to see Jesus as weeping alongside me. Once I saw that, I knew I would be okay.
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| FREE BOOK! |
Follow CBC-McKinney on Facebook! Sign up to be a fan on Facebook and you'll be entered in a drawing for a free copy of Thin Places: a memoir by Mary DeMuth. All new and current fans will be entered in the drawing (except for CBC employees and their families--go get your own copy!). Drawing will be held on April 29, 2010 - sign up now! |
| James 5:16 |
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. |
Exercise: Nurturing Fondness in Your
Relationship - WEEK 3 |
Adapted from: 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., and Joan DeClaire; Three Rivers Press, 2006
"Have you ever had a gripe or an angry thought about your partner that you just couldn't release? Perhaps you had an argument and afterward you just kept playing that same negative thought over and over again in your mind. Or maybe you were feeling sad or angry for some other reason, but negative thoughts about your relationship kept coming up as well.
Our research shows that continually replaying negative thoughts about your partner can contribute to a downward spiral of distance and isolation in a marriage.
One solution is to train your mind to replace what we call 'distress-maintaining' thoughts about your partner with 'relationship-enhancing' thoughts. Doing so takes time and practice, but it's worth it because it can build feelings of fondness and admiration in your marriage."
We will feature a few of Gottman's tips in each of the next few newsletters. You may want to purchase a journal to write your entries in, or if you don't like writing just spend some time thinking about these topics and your ideas. It will take some time, but as someone once said, good marriages take time but bad marriages take even more time.
Here are this month's relationship-enhancing thoughts:
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| We have a sense of control over our lives together. |
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Think of something important that you planned together that turned out well.
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I am proud of this marriage.
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Describe the aspect of your marriage that you are most proud of.
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| I can recall happy memories about our wedding and honeymoon. |
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Describe at least one thing about these events that you enjoyed. |
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Why Group Therapy